The love, and the heartbreakThey have a lot to do with self-esteem. This is confirmed by a study directed by the professor of Psychology Margaret Clark, from Yale University (USA), who concluded that the better opinion one has of oneself, the healthier are the affective ties with others and, therefore, less is the risk of conflicts in love affairs.
Something that can explain, at least to a certain extent, why a good part of the Spanish population is currently suffering from what is already known as post-vacation depression of partner. A more common situation than it seems that can come to nothing or end in a very bad way, causing a crisis that leads to rupture.
The phenomenon is not so alien; put in figuresduring the past year there was a increase 13.2% in divorces and separations coinciding with the return of the holidays summer, according to data from the National Institute of Statistics (INE).
Why just when the days of break, after enjoying what in principle is the best time of the year? Well, for that very reason, the experts say. September “requires a readaptation to our real world, because during the holidays most of the time everything is different. Anyone goes through this process, which is highly conditioned by our employment situation. It is an individual post-vacation stress that conditions everything that surrounds us and also our relations sentimental”, explains the psychologist Sebastián Girona, a specialist in bonds and couple relationships and author of the books ‘I can’t take it anymore’ and ‘Everyone on their own’.
“It is a situation that can affect only one of the spousesto both or it even happens that sometimes one infects the other”, points out the expert. And it can also occur in couples who maintain an excellent relationship, “although the more solid the link it will be easier for them to move through the crisis what generates this post-vacation depression without involving a major conflict,” he says.
Because the good news is that this crisis is exceeded; “The normal thing is to get out of the situation in a natural and in a relatively short time, on average, a couple of weeks”, points out Girona. Beyond this period, be careful, it can significantly affect the relationship and put it in jeopardy. danger. In that case, it’s time to go to a therapy, individual or couple. And the sooner the better. “As with any medical problem, the weather plays for or against, the earlier the problem is addressed conflict, the greater the room for manoeuvre. If you feel that after a few weeks the tedium does not give way, it is a serious problem”, warns the specialist.
The goal is to avoid a separation or even a divorcea process through which they passed 86,851 couples in 2021, the majority aged between 40 and 49 years and a marriage which has lasted an average of 16.5 years, according to the latest data published by the INE in its ‘Statistics on Annulments, Separations and Divorces’.
Symptoms of post-vacation depression in the couple
The objective is to identify the symptom to prevent the problem from getting worse. “Putting names to things provides a certain control about them. The first step to overcome post-vacation depression in the couple is to be aware of it, both the person who suffers from it and the person who accompanies them in case it does not affect them,” he says. Sebastian Girona.
How recognize her? “In general, it is manifested by a lack of desire to do together what used to be liked and produced pleasure,” says the specialist. “It translates to fatigue and apathy, in one lack of intention to connect with the other party, who if he doesn’t suffer it doesn’t understand what is happening either. You do not enjoy yourself as a couple and, as in a normal depression, boredom appears, irritabilitylistlessness and lack of energy”. Also some physical symptoms, such as “disorders of appetite and problems reconciling sleepGirona says.
When this drop in mood only affects one of the members of the couple, the other can only expect: “At those times, demanding attention is completely counterproductive,” adds Girona. “The best way to approach it is to know what is happening and help from the daily, in the sense of approaching the problems little by little and leaving space. It’s not time to sue, it’s time accompany“.
restore order
And what can the person who suffers from it do? To get started, reset the order in everyday life, even if it sounds unromantic. “Must balance things, schedules and even leisure. The couple must gradually return to the responsibilities that I had before the holidays, a time when we got disorganized and that later takes its toll”, says Gironawho recommends “patience and solving problems one by one. The adaptation must come in a natural term maximum of two weeks, for that time to be extended to two months means that the stress has become something else”.
Quality time
the return to the routine generates another source of stress associated with post-vacation depression in the couple: household chores. Face them after a time without obligations can “bring out the worst parts of our personalities, leading to confrontations and disappointmentssomething that increases especially when one of the parties is not used to managing certain tasks”, says the health psychologist Esperanza Martínez. According to the latest data from the INE, in Spain there are 10.3 million people living in partner. Of these, 52% -around 5.3 million people in national terms- acknowledge having discussions for household chores, according to a study by the company TaskRabbit.
The results of this report indicate that 40% of these domestic arguments have not transcended beyond a friction momentary, but 10% of couples admit to having kept silent for a whole day, and even 4% have considered Break up the relationship, which means about 212,000 Spaniards.
“Spending quality time with your partner is essential, and if the time spent putting up the shelves or cleaning out the cabinets is a source of disputesdelegating is the key”, assures Hope Martinez, who also advises “distributing the tasks from Monday to Friday and not leaving them for the weekend, a period associated in our subconscious with leisure“.